The Association of Business Mentors has six core competencies. Why is the first one awareness of self, mentee and environment?
Unless mentors have full awareness of these three areas it is nearly impossible to mentor effectively. A lack of self-awareness is a breeding ground for biases to thrive where misreading or misunderstanding a person or situation starts a domino effect in to the mentees and the environment space.
In 2018 Dr Tasha Eurich an organizational psychologist and researcher, reported in HBR on her research into awareness levels with almost 5,000 participants. She found that even though most people believe they are self-aware, self-awareness is a truly rare quality: Her team estimate that only
10%–15% of the people they studied actually fit the criteria of being self-aware
This ‘awareness’ skill is like listening. It’s similar to a muscle which must be worked on to strengthen, grow and be effective. However, this level of exercise may be too much effort for some or perhaps it might bring a little fear as to what could be unearthed about oneself!
So how can we become more aware? Reflection is one. Guided reflection even better. This is when you actively think, honestly, about what effect you may have on another as well as how you set the scene for a conversation or a meeting. I find the helicopter exercise quite effective. This is where you run through a conversation as a third person from a helicopter view picking up anything you may have missed, for example body language, tone or information. This exercise has often led me to ask for feedback or clarification, sometimes crucial for the required results.
Some questions to provoke increased awareness levels:
- What can I do to create a welcoming, calm environment?
- What do I need to note to be aware of a mentee’s wellbeing and true agenda
- How am I being perceived?
- How do I achieve the best outcome from this conversation?
One of my favourite questions previously as a manager asked to colleagues was;
‘When you become a manager how do you think you will approach a situation like this?’
There were some interesting responses but importantly it provided me insight as to where they were at.
Actively showing vulnerability is another indirect way of increasing awareness levels because we naturally become more sensitive to reactions as well as how it makes us feel. I find that being vulnerable is also tricky for most people. You must be comfortable in your own skin, which can take time and practice, but it means they become more aware of you.
If we apply this mentoring competency to all relationships whether it be in the workplace, socially or just as importantly at home we will naturally become calmer, better informed and understanding of self, others and the environment. Far healthier all round.
