In business, the statistics in the UK are slightly better, with 77% of business owners saying they did ask for help in the early days in some shape or form; however, only 27% said they had a business mentor. 93% of these said mentoring made starting their business easier with quicker momentum.
According to the same research, more than a third of UK adults have had a situation in their career where they have regretted not asking for help at all or sooner, with 50% of these instances leading to a mistake that could have been avoided, and after reaching out for help at work, 57% said it helped them progress their careers.
Why do we have these barriers?
There are quite a few. The most common, it seems, is the fear of seeming incompetent. Social judgement and rejection. These feelings are often deep-rooted, stemming from upbringing and school or work culture in early career years. No one enjoys feeling weak or unknowledgeable.
However, on this point, it’s all about who we ask. Not the office big person making light work of an over-inflated ego or the successful, self-important family friend. It’s the person with the necessary experience, whom we seek guidance and knowledge from, along with a nurturing manner.
Jason Leonard highlighted this with me on the Gamechanger podcast whilst exploring the mentoring ethos in rugby. People with these attributes will perceive any questions as an opportunity for a learning alliance. We all learn in every situation, even if it’s simply more about the other person. In fact, most people enjoy helping others and can create a sense of purpose, belonging, and connection, which reduces feelings of loneliness and improves self-esteem.
There is optimism. It seems generally we are slowly breaking these barriers, with Gen X’ers coming in at 38% more comfortable asking for help versus Baby Boomers at 31%.
In Andy Lopata’s book Just Ask, published in 2020, the message is clearly about embracing vulnerability and being the person in the room who learns the most. He quotes Voltaire: “Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.” I am sure he meant women too! Andy was driven to write this book after an old friend and peer committed suicide whilst feeling bereft and alone, unable to seek help, possibly because of the fear of embarrassment and judgment. It is packed with powerful messages and stories.
Can we get better at offering help?
About 16% of adults in England engage in formal volunteering at least once a month (around 8.3 million people UK-wide), while 46% volunteer informally, helping neighbours or people outside their family, at least once a year, demonstrating a strong culture of helping others in less structured ways.
Judging by the 20-plus volunteer mentors we at the ABM supported this week with live practical skills sessions, I can undoubtedly confirm the sentiment is there. These fabulous people have signed up to give over twelve hours of their time to a matched mentee on the Help to Grow government programme. I was inspired by their experience, manner and drive to support the mentees that they will be carefully matched with, wholly in their own time.
What goes around comes around
Obviously, there is no scientific evidence to support this saying. It does, however, promote karma, though. A sense of karma has been proven to drive moral behaviour, which in turn stimulates a pay-it-forward sentiment.
Creating an environment of awareness wherever we are might encourage us to recognise someone in need of guidance and support. We can also adopt a mentoring approach where an offer of help is delivered with genuine interest and well-being rather than feeding an ego. Equally, we can get better at approaching others who have the specific experience we need to fill a gap.
What is the moral of this article?
The moral is perhaps a personal check-in on our give-and-take philosophy. The two aspects are whether we can see anyone struggling to ask for help, and when was the last time we offered support by simply being aware of situations? Secondly and equally importantly, do we need help? Who is the best person or even people to approach and why? Once we have established this, just ask.
Sources:
- ACAMH. Online Library. Wiley.
- Santander. 2024 research.
- Mental Health Foundation.
- Civic Science. 2018.
- UK Civil Society.
