I remember the night my life changed forever.
On a quaint veranda overlooking the opulent surroundings of West Pam Beach Marina, I sat opposite the advisor to four former presidents, author of over fifty million leadership books, and the man who has personally mentored me for over five years, Dr John Maxwell.
The evening started like any other occasion John, and I got together. A mentor heavily invested in my development, we engaged in passionate conversation about life and leadership.
But then it happened.
John asked me my plan for reaching my potential. Looking to impress this revered mentor, I passionately shared where I saw myself in the years ahead. I described my work ethic and the rigorous standards by which I hold myself to account. I boasted about the brave deadlines I had already met and charted my course for future accomplishments. I mentioned the mentors I had met. The ideas they had shared. The coaches I had gleaned from and their insights I had implemented.
Yet despite my best efforts, I wasn’t achieving the results I desired. I didn’t feel that I was living up to my potential. A vast chasm separated where I found myself from where I believed I should be. The true source of my current state could be traced back to a punishing work ethic and an almost obsessive desire to prove myself. My life resembled a frenzied engine, demanding enormous energy, yet failing to propel me forward. I had tried so many things, but progress remained elusive. Why weren’t all these practices connecting me to my desired destination?
John patiently waited for my words to fade before he shared what was undeniably one of life’s most effective formulas for stepping out of stagnation and taking steps towards realising your full potential.
A formula for experiencing true fulfilment, enhancing your impact, and embracing true significance.
“Rob… You are facing a growth gap.” He gently declared.
“You have been channelling your efforts into activities that make you do better rather than giving priority to personal growth, which would allow you to become better.
“Redirect your focus from constant doing.” He advised, “and fully embrace the lifelong pursuit of becoming. Before you can do something, you must be someone.”
I sat quietly, struck by John’s fresh perspective. His words exposed glaring shortcomings in my approach to life, a profound realisation reinforced by the fact that all the people I greatly admire prioritise and invest in their own growth and development.
Looking down the corridors of history, you can see that every tribe and tongue embodies John’s advice. It’s nearly impossible to find a school of thought that does not advocate personal growth as the catalyst for reaching one’s potential.
The question then, is how do we become growth oriented in a goal obsessed world? `
We grow ‘to-do’lists and so our ‘to-be list’ goes threadbare. We are so busy working in our lives, we don’t work on our lives. We live by the daily cadence of busyness instead of effectiveness, mistaking frenzied activity for fruitful accomplishment.
“The tragedy of life is not death”, declared Norman Cousins, “but what we let die inside of us while we live.” To be more, we need to do different. We need to kill busyness and make it our business to invest in our personal growth.
After coaching leaders, entrepreneurs and CEOs in 44 countries, I’ve found this four-step framework can help anyone develop themselves daily:
One – Learn something new: This progresses your education
Too often we let what we know, stop us from learning what we don’t know. Don’t let that be you! If you are the smartest person in your circle, you are no longer in a circle, but a cage of limitation, keeping good things from getting in, and bad habits from getting out. Many people are not as successful as they would like to be, because they are not as informed as they need to be. Become a sixty-minute student every single day. Let your commute be your university, value edutainment over entertainment. In today’s world, the person who learns the most, wins.
Two – Read something different – This prepares you to expand your perspective
I struggle to think of any investment that yields the same return as reading a good book. For such a small amount, you are granted access to the world’s most potent thinkers and powerful ideas. All it takes is once sentence, from one paragraph of one book – that can transform your life forever.
A person with a good library has a thousand good mentors. To learn from the best you don’t need to meet them, you just need to absorb them! It’s nearly impossible to get stuck somewhere old when you’re learning something new. The solution to many of your problems lives in the book you are yet to read!
Three – See something bigger: This positions you for new experiences
When it comes to new experiences, you must accumulate them in advance of needing them. To put simply, you must learn before you need it, because when you need it, it’s too late to learn it. When opportunity comes, it’s too late to prepare. So, gather a compendium of recipes for higher levels of living, thinking and being. Out on the edge of your familiarity zone you see all kinds of things you can’t see from the centre. The result? You’ll surf off the fumes of that learning and inspiration for many months after.
Every time I experience something bigger, I ask myself three questions:
Where can I use what I learned from this experience?
When can I use what I learned from this experience?
Who needs to know what I learned from this experience?
Four – Find someone better: This provides you with greater expertise
You cannot be your best self, by yourself. Armed with enough humility you can learn from anyone. Read people the way you read books; they are novels with skin on them. Make it your goal to learn as much as you can, from as many people as you can, as often as you can. Playwright Ben Johnson said, “he that is taught only by himself has a fool for a master.” Everyone has something to teach us, but that doesn’t mean anyone can teach us everything we want to learn.
Be inquisitive and curious, and don’t let insecurity keep you stuck. If you need to be seen as being right, learning from others will be a challenge. If you are eager to grow and learn new perspectives, learning is a joy.
Ultimately:
- Learn something new.
- Read something different.
- See something bigger.
- Meet someone better.
In the infinite game of growth, you win some, you learn some, you only lose some, if you fail to learn. And it’s highest reward? Not what you get from it, or because of the benefits attached to it, but who you become because of it.
To me, that’s not just a journey worth taking, it is the only journey worth making.
